By

Sal Rodriguez

Experts - can we live without them? Everywhere we turn – television, radio, billboards, magazines, and books – there is always some expert telling us how to live. Psychologists tell us how to raise our children, physicians tell us how to eat, personal trainers tell us what to do with our bodies, domestic-types tell us how to decorate our homes, sex therapists tell us how to mate, fashion consultants tell us how to dress, guru chefs tell us how to cook, and motivational speakers tell us how to think.

Where did all these experts come from? I wonder if these types have always existed. I imagine a fashion consultant in the Garden of Eden - "Eve, the whole naked thing is so last season." How about a Martha Stewart-type in 50 BC - "Ogid, a nice mauve-colored gourd would really balance the saber-tooth rug," or "Egaw, maybe you could try so brighten up this hut with a nice mint-colored thatch ceiling."

How about a sex therapist in Sodom and Gomorrah - "People we need to explore our sensuality - where are those caribou?"

Perhaps when the pyramids were being made, as the slaves were being bull whipped, they had motivational speakers there to give them a nice pep talk - "It's not what you do, it's what you feel about what you do."

I have grown tired of these experts. I imagine a utopia where we can think for ourselves, dress ourselves, bring up our kids, cook for ourselves, and some how, some way (are you ready for this?) instinctually know how to eat and have sex.

2005 I Feel Funny Productions™